An epiphany on Epiphany!
Posted on January 07 2018
Happy 2018! Here we are! A brand new year and the possibilities are wide open! Exciting, huh? Or maybe, terrifying! I guess it depends on your perspective.
I saw a video this morning and put it on my Facebook page. A little boy talking about "What do you Practice?" It's a GREAT video and he is precious, BRILLIANT and precious. Here is a link if you want to get inspired and REMEMBER what you NEED to practice and what you don't. It's the first video in my timeline.
I realized for most of the last year, I wasn't practicing the things I WANT to be good at. Last week, I had a cold for most of the week, which was okay, because no way was I going ANYWHERE in that ridiculous cold weather. I did have a LOT of time to think, which can be very dangerous for me! I thought about the things I learned in 2017, things I did and things I really didn't like doing.
The main thing that kept resurfacing is the one thing I really HATE doing, or at least I thought, was selling. The more I thought about it though, it is not really selling I hate, but it is selling MY stuff. I can sell my talented friends creations all day long. Mary Beth Greene's awesome bags, Michele Lutz's wonderful creations, my mother's beautiful botanicals, my husband's great service and magnificent invitations, my friend Lisa Patton's books. I can sell how talented my sister Mary Clayton is at everything she does, and what a fantastic job my sister Lella has done at PreSchool Partners.
Why am I so good at selling stuff for others, promoting them, encouraging them, believing in them? Ah! BELIEVING in them. That was it! I BELIEVE in them! Wholeheartedly, with NO reservations. I LOVE what they do, I love that they do such a great job at what they do. Be it art- in any form, writing, being a director at a preschool, an entrepreneur with your own line of products, or the ten million different things Mary Clayton does. If I believe in them, I can SELL it!
(Not that anyone needs to sell any of them to anyone).
So, that led me to the conclusion that as far as my art is concerned, I really don't believe in me. This is not an "across the board don't believe in me", because I do believe I can do whatever I want. There is very little I am afraid to try, or to at least give something a shot. I started a novel in November and hope to finish it sometime soon. I did it because of the NaNoWriMo challenge to write 50,000 words in thirty days. I had my 50,000+ by November 13th. I really have no expectations for it, I just wanted to do it and it was FUN!
Some of the things I try I may find don't really interest me, or that I don't like the results, or that I actually don't think something I make is "good enough". But the MAIN thing I don't, and never really have believed in about me, is my painting. I love doing the quotes, with watercolors and markers- but paintings-on canvas.... almost never.
So... why? I honestly don't know the answer. I have certainly sold tons of things with my art on it. Leggings, prints, products. But, again, almost all of those were done with markers and watercolor. Which is GREAT and I am so grateful for that. The thing I WANT to do the most is PAINT. On canvas, with acrylics. I pondered on this awhile, and realized where THAT kind of painting is concerned, I don't think I have ever found my "style".
This will be my goal for the first part of this year. I want to experiment and see if I can discover what my style is for this type of painting. It may be that painting on canvas just isn't what I am supposed to do, but I want to try. Mainly because it is something I have a HUGE desire to do. I am going to try and LET GO, of my inner discourager, my doubts and most of all my belief that I can't do it well enough.
Should be interesting to see what happens. No resolutions for me, just a deep desire to find something that I have been missing and to look at this from a different perspective.