One day until the 90 day countdown to sixty, officially begins. I am a little scared. But then, that is what part of this journey is all about. Getting rid of fear. Figuring out what I love to do. Then DOING it!
I love this "Fearless Girl" statue that was installed on Wall Street facing the bull. THAT girl was me, years ago. A LOT of years ago and I need her back. I want to be FEARLESS!
I mentioned yesterday that I had awesome siblings and I do and they are all FEARLESS!
My brother Charles is truthfully one of the nicest people that has ever graced the face of the earth. He is kind and gentle, I don't think he has ever done a "bad" thing in his life. He has never said a bad word and I doubt if he even has bad thoughts. That's just who he is. He is a GOOD man, he has a beautiful wife, Mary and they have raised three outstanding boys. Charles has been in building and construction most of his adult life. He went to Asia on business, and to be polite, had to eat things that should NEVER be on a plate, but he did, (I won't even try broccoli). He has had a few bumps in business over the years, (the building business seems always to be that way- my father has been in that business his whole life), but that never seemed to stop him, he powered through and made things better than before....FEARLESS!
My sister Lella amazes me. Over the last 20 years she has taken a small preschool program for 24 inner city children, in a few rooms in the basement of a church, to their own AMAZING new facility with 112 students and they could have never done it without my sister. Preschool Partners has given children that otherwise might not stand a chance, a HUGE head start for their lives. I have heard her speak in front of large groups of people and she does it masterfully. She has a wonderful husband, Lester, and two beautiful married daughters who are outstanding in their own right. She is a grandmother to two and a new one on the way. She is quite a force and she is FEARLESS!
And then there is my baby sister, Mary Clayton. She was born the day after I came home from my freshman year in college, yep, 19 years apart (my parents are pretty FEARLESS too apparently). Most people would have been mortified if their mother was pregnant when they were freshmen in college- or at least all my friends at the time said they would have been. NOT me- I was thrilled. She was like having a new toy. When she was two, and I was at Alabama, I took her to an establishment that wasn't exactly meant for kids and taught her to dance on the bar, I even got a band to play "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf" for her. Like I said before, not sure I was a "great" influence, but oh how I loved showing off my baby sister!
She is creative, talented and one of the most fearless people I know. She has done so many things. She went to Paris to work as an intern for Harper's Bazaar right out of college, by herself, not knowing a soul and didn't speak much French either! She has been a stylist for different magazines for years, working in New Orleans, Washington DC, Birmingham and traveling all over. She re-met the love of her life a couple of years ago and married Paul last spring. Never have two people been more made for each other! He is a photographer, musician and artist, (he is one of the the coolest guys I know) and she can do EVERYTHING. Together they have Mason+Dixon and the most fabulous studio loft ever! She will try anything and never seems to be afraid.... FEARLESS!
So how, you ask, did the oldest of the four, who used to NEVER be afraid, become such a wuss? I have no idea. Somewhere along the way of "growing up", I started measuring myself next to others. (just for the record this is a STUPID thing to do!) I couldn't paint as well as "this person", I wasn't as creative as "this person", I wasn't as clever as "this person". I didn't quit, I just quit trying very hard. I did things that people I knew weren't doing. And I was successful, always successful.
If I was always successful, then what is to be scared of. I don't have the answer to that either. A lot of the things I did I really liked at the time, but nothing I have done in the past few years has really fed my soul. If you are a creative person, you know what I mean. You can create, you can make things you "like", other people can like the things you make enough to buy them and you can be successful, but for some reason it doesn't FEED YOUR SOUL.
Creating, something, anything is like breathing to me. If I can't, I get all out of sorts, and that is not good for anyone. I am going to work on that!
So, we will see what happens tomorrow.